I learned how to waste hours on the Web in my early days as a surfer. It came naturally to me, being one who is inquisitive and who also loves to fart around. One site I stumbled upon addicted me quickly, and I can’t even imagine how many hours I spent there. That site was www.lowbrow.com. If you’ve never visited Lowbrow, you can’t understand why I would have wasted so much time there. In its early days, Lowbrow was nothing more than a repository of disgusting, annoying, and perverted tidbits of human experience. What was truly beautiful about Lowbrow, however, was that you could post your own disgusting, annoying, and perverted tidbits. The short postings of the thousands of Lowbrow contributors could be accessed only one at a time, and site visitors could not control which posting would be made available next. Basically, we’re talking potluck. Click the button and see a Lowbrow posting. Click it again and see another one. If there was any organization to the content, it wasn’t apparent to the site visitor.
It wasn’t long before I became a contributor. It didn’t take much, after all. Just click a button, fill the window with text, and click another button. After submitting a couple of Lowbrow posts, I was really hooked because then my hours of clicking might bring up one or two of my own Lowbrow contributions. I spent the next few months clicking and hoping I’d see one of my own. After thousands of clicks, I finally saw one of my own. Here it is:
Playing “bounce or fly” after a dinner of steak and potatoes, I noticed a small piece of beef stuck between my teeth. I struggled for a half hour with the old tongue and sucking technique to get it out while at the same time running up and down, back and forth, shagging baseballs. I eventually sucked all the flavorful juices out of it and nothing was left but a bothersome piece of tasteless fiber. I finally dislodged the morsel and, out of curiosity, chose not to swallow it but instead spit it into the palm of my hand. It was the collapsed carcass of a fly.
Pretty disgusting, eh? Yes, but it was based on fact, it really happened to me, and I was able to share it with – and at the same time gross out – thousands of fellow Lowbrow vagrants. How exciting! Further, you didn’t really have to post vulgar stuff. You could use your imagination, write poetry, build storylines, and create mini-worlds within the confines of the little Lowbrow text box. Here’s another I submitted:
Good morning, everyone. My name is William Bondistmo. I am the nephew of Geoffrey Wilhelmshaven, the Duke of Pennington. I am also the grandson of Henry Archmount, the once magistrate of the Duchy of Greenstrath, and the man who was condemned to death for the murders of the royal family of Upper Andromedon. If you are at all familiar with the history of eastern Diptheria, you will recall that Grandfather’s sentence was not carried out, but rather that he died an untimely death en route to the victory celebration on the Isle of Theides after his army defeated the forces of General Pound on the fields of Eleasure. Granddad was harpooned through the belly with a ten-man spear as he was preparing to enter the niece of Rudolpho Johnson, his trusted double agent, who was not protecting the honor of his sister’s daughter, but rather had secretly made arrangements with Gertron the Defiant to do away with Henry at his earliest possible convenience. Henry died just shy of his goal, and Johnson, who wielded the huge spear single-handedly, reportedly suffered ever afterward with a debilitating hernia and the eternal enmity of his sister, who had plotted for months to place her lovely daughter at the disposal of Granddad.
Granted, there is little literary value here. It wasn’t based on reality. But I had fun writing it and even more fun seeing it pop up once in a while during my hours of wasted time on www.lowbrow.com.
Check out Lowbrow. The format has changed over the years. Visitors must register to see content. The main thrust of the site now is audio. You can call in and leave a short audio message based upon the subject of the week. Lowbrow’s instructions for callers:
- Be depraved.
- Be anonymous. Or not.
- Confess your sins.
- Unload your conscience.
- Share your fantasy.
- Share your shame.
If you don’t mind letting your ass hang out, hang out for a while at www.lowbrow.com.