I’m feeling pretty bad right now. Our favorite local news anchor, Mary Collins, was stopped Monday morning at about 9:30 while driving erratically. She blew a 0.14 on the Breathalyzer. The legal limit in Indiana is 0.08.
She had a pretty good excuse, however. Her explanation was that she had been fasting for medical tests and, in addition, had consumed rum cake and Skittles. I don’t know about you, but if I had eaten rum cake and Skittles after fasting, I would be at home puking my guts out. That is what Ms. Collins should have been doing.
I’m not sure what caused such behavior on her part. I know nothing about her other than the little bits of her private life we might pick up during her news segment. One fact is that she is an avid runner. She has been spotted by people I know in various establishments on this end of Fort Wayne, so she might reside somewhere not too far from us. I like her on-screen persona. She is always pleasant and chatty, and seems to be fairly intelligent. Now she has some explaining to do.
Let’s see if there’s an announcement that she has entered rehab, like many better known personalities have done after having an incident with alcohol or drugs. I would do that if I were known and trusted by thousands of Fort Wayne residents. Most of those thousands probably feel much the way I do about Mary Collins. We all hope she can figure out a good way to deal with the publicity and the loss of public esteem.
In the meantime, I think we can start calling her Bloody Mary. I know it’s a bit cruel, but it does seem to fit the circumstances of having been stopped at 9:30 a.m. after having obviously drunk something during the breakfast hours. I’ve had a few Bloody Marys myself over the years, and most of them before noon. I guess you can call me Bloody Bruce if I’m ever caught in the same predicament. Bloody Bruce, however, is not nearly as witty as Bloody Mary.