I’ve set myself a special goal. I want to clean up all the dirty limericks. I mean, really, it’s disgusting how many raunchy, distasteful, and totally useless bits of “poetic” trash there are out there. You’ve probably heard some yourself. Most people have, and my guess is that many of you can recite some of them from memory. Let’s be honest; it’s the nature of limericks to be very easy to recall. I think that makes their existence that much more evil. You never know when you might hear someone – on a plane, on a bus, on the street, or even in church – blurt one out as if no one else cares. Limericks get a hold of you and take over your very soul. It’s akin to demonic possession!
But I think I can show that the bad limericks can be cleansed. All we need to do is set our minds to the task and THINK CLEAN. Bad things can become good things if we only try. I’ve taken some of the most infamous of the dirty limericks and worked them into something more palatable. Believe me, it doesn’t take much effort. Here’s one:
There was a young man from Kent
Who was so tall and skinny, he bent.
To save him some trouble
He went through doors double
And as he was coming, he went.
Now that wasn’t so difficult, was it?
There was a young man from Nantucket
Whose chin was a big as a bucket.
He said with a grin
While stroking his chin,
My chin is so big I can’t tuck it.
And yet another:
There once was a lady from France
Who hopped a freight train by chance.
The engineer ducked her
As did the conductor
But the brakeman went off to the dance.
Now, isn’t that fun? See what wonders can be done with the trash on this Earth? All you have to do is use your imagination.
Here’s one based on the dirty version that I unfortunately heard at a very young age:
There was a young lady named Jill
Who swallowed a dynamite pill.
They found her bone china
In South Carolina
And her grits on a tree in Brazil.
Oh what the heck, one more:
There was a young lady named Hicks
Who delighted to play with old sticks
Which she would embellish
With evident relish,
And make them stand up and do tricks.
I’m sure you can think of some other examples. Come on, let’s get together and rid the world of all that despicable trash out there. Join my effort to CLEAN UP THOSE DIRTY LIMERICKS!