Sore Buns

Man is my butt sore. Both cheeks. Distributed discomfort in my derriere. Positive pain in my posterior. Shock and awe in my . . . Well, you get the point. I am seated, but painfully so. Once down, I dread standing up because I know what to expect. MORE PAIN.

I’m not complaining, mind you. Just reporting facts. The fact is, MY BUTT HURTS.

I think I know what caused it.

I participated in an exercise last night that involved doing leg thrusts, then, while holding a heavy dumbbell in the hand opposite the leg being thrusted, reaching forward with that hand toward the foot of the thrusted leg and passing the dumbbell across the ankle to the outside. Then return to standing position. Do this 12 times with each leg, 3 sets. Your butt will be sore too.

We did another exercise that involved sitting on the floor and holding a weight in our laps. Rotating our torsos in a circular fashion and using our butts as a pivot created even more stress for my already stressed rump. My bum is a bit on the bony side, and when I was pivoting on it, it felt like my tail bone and hip bone were trying to grind their way out of their container. Luckily, they are still in place, but the container is a bit worse for the wear.

It will take a few days for my rear to recover. In the meantime, I think I’ll just take a few more sips of this glass of Layer Cake Shiraz and dream of the days when my butt only ached when I’d get on my bike for the first time on the first springlike day at the tail end of winter and ride until dark. I’d get out of bed the next morning and hobble around for a few hours till the pain and stiffness were gone. Then I’d be back on the bike and the pain would not return.

Now the trouble is not that the pain returns, but that it just doesn’t want to go away.

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