Surplus Brain

“What about my brain?”3dbrain1

“What about it?”

“It’s so large.”

“You think it’s large?”


“Why do you think that?”

“Well, it just is, relatively speaking.”

“Relative to what?”

“Ant brains. Insect brains. Sheep brains. Horses. It’s kind of a burden.”

“Having that large brain?”



“It’s just too much.”

“Too much?”

“You know, there’s way too much there. I don’t need it all.”

“Why not?”

“What am I going to do with all the extra? I’ll never make use of it.”

“So you think it’s a waste?”

“It is. It’s just wasted.”

“And it’s a burden?”


“Why is it a burden?”

“Just knowing I can never make use of it.”


“Don’t you think so?”

“I’m not sure that I understand your reasoning.”

“It’s not very efficient. It’s something that cannot be fully utilized, and I despise wastefulness. I could do without much of it.”

“How much?”

“However much I’ll never use.”

“How much is that, approximately?”

“I suppose at least 50 percent. Now that’s a real waste.”

“Would you like to give it to me now?”

“Give it to you?”

“Yes. I can take it now, if you like.”

“Take it? Now?”


“I don’t know . . .”

“If it’s a burden to you there’s no reason to carry it around.”

“How would you take it?”

“I have ways.”

“What would you do with it?”

“I’m sure I could find some good use for it.”

“Somebody else?”


“Would you give it to somebody else?”



“I don’t know. Someone, I suppose, who could use a little extra.”

“I don’t know.”

“I thought you said it was such a burden.”

“Yes. But how will you know which part to take?”

“I don’t suppose it makes much difference. It seems to be fairly consistent throughout.”

“There are some special parts, though, that I couldn’t do without.”

“Special parts? Special in what way?”

“They do certain things – things I couldn’t function without. Breathing, walking, eating . . . you know, the things I need to be able to survive.”

“I suppose I could leave those parts if you’ll just show me where they are.”

“I’d have to check. Will it hurt?”

“The taking of it?”


“Your brain has no feeling.”

“It doesn’t?”

“Of course not. It is not susceptible to pain.”

“That’s good to know. Would you just be sure not to take the parts I need?”

“I will not take any more than you specify.”

“What if I live longer than I expect?”

“What does that have to do with it?”

“If I live longer than I think I might, I may not have enough brain left to deal with it. If you took half of it now, the remainder may last me for thirty more years. What if I live forty more? Isn’t it possible that I’d run out?”

“That is a possibility, I guess.”

“What happens when I use the last cell? Do I just stop thinking?”

“Yes. You would have no further capacity for cogitation. You would merely freeze in place and would lose consciousness forever. I don’t believe you would even be able to dream.”

“Then maybe you should only take forty percent.”

“I can do that.”

“Or thirty.”


“Will it affect my intelligence?”



“What is that?”

“Don’t you know?”

“I’m not familiar with the term.”

“It is a measure of how capable my brain is – my intelligence.”

“I can make no special guarantees. All I can do is promise that I will free you of a certain percentage of your gray burden.”

“I don’t think it would affect my intelligence. I mean, that’s something I already have. It took me years to develop it. If you just take the unused parts that I’m not going to use, that shouldn’t affect the rest. But what about creativity?”

“What about it? You know, I’m becoming slightly annoyed with you. What started out as a simple request has turned into a complicated affair. I don’t think you have the capacity to understand it all. You should trust me. I know what your problem is now, and I have the ability to solve it.”

“But I’m just concerned.”

“Allow me to do the worrying for you.”

“Can I trust you?”

“Of course. I like you.”

“But we only just met.”

“That makes no difference. I’ve always liked you, and always shall. It’s part of my nature. And it’s part of your nature to want to be liked by me, and to trust me, and to give up your cares to me.”

“I feel a little better now.”

“I hope so.”

“Much better.”

“Good. Shall we get on with it?”


“Fifty percent?”


“How about forty for now. We can always discuss the rest at a later date.”

“That sounds good.”

%d bloggers like this: